Banking on customer service

Recently Ethos Consultancy shared the findings of its 6^th Annual Bank Benchmarking Index for service excellence. While it claims a marginal improvement, its not nearly enough. And the foreign banks did not fair well at all. If you follow #UAEBanks on Twitter, service here is abysmal. 

Most of us owe banks in some form or the other but to be harangued and abused is not the way to get your money back. Or wasn't that taught to you in customer service classes. The banks add call centres to 'increase communications' but fail to provide proper training or authorisation to these call centres. Its a question of dollars and cents methinks and the call centre with the cheapest rates wins. 

But if you speak to the bank, they justify some of these calls or attitudes. They feel they don't do anything wrong. I think its time they proved to us that they do care about their customers. I think we should have a panel discussion - with media and audience - where the top 5 and the bottom 5 banks' representatives are available - customer service representatives - to give us the customers an understanding of why they do what they do. Half the audience would be made up of specific customers these banks would invite for the discussion (that they are comfortable with) and the other half would be media and open to public (limited to first come first served basis). 

I am sure Ethos as the originator of the study would be happy to moderate. 

So here's my message to UAE Banks - are you up for this? Defend yourself and listen to what we have to say.

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Ten Thoughts to Ponder

I got these from my friend Guy Whitcroft and thought I'd share. I'm hoping my old age doesn't last too long!

Number 10: Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8: Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich ..

Number 7: Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6: Some people are like a Slinky ...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5: Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4: All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3: Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2: In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought: Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- - - and as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last long."

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Con-necting people

I find it extraordinary that in this day and age, we are still struggling to find a decent internet connection. Especially in an IT show. We have 2 behemoths that claim to have the best services, that are charging us an arm and leg for each measly bandwidth we deign to demand and yet we have no internet at Gitex.

And I am happy to say, its not just me. Its an exhibition for technology companies and they're both here. How difficult can it be for two telecom giants that cover a whole country to provide Internet connections that WORK for a few thousand visitors and exhibitors? There are enough hardware vendors out there to provide the equipment and the expertise they need - if they need the assistance! And what does it say for the Gitex organisers that something so basic in technology eludes their priorities.

I might whine and moan about the rates but if I get the service to match - it would go a loooooong way to mitigate the pain of connecting. Internet is not a luxury - its essential to all businesses. 

So why are we still complaining?

Why is TRA not looking out for our interests? Isn't that what they are supposed to do? Ensure that du & Etisalat deliver on promises. Or am I missing something here?

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Tequila christmas cake recipe

This seems to be doing the rounds again. Its still funny. So here goes. 

The recipe for Tequila Christmas Cake:

1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality Take a large bowl; check the tequila 
again to be sure it is of the highest quality..

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try 
another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with 
a drewscriver.

Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.

Check the tequila.*/ /* Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Cherry Christmas

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Local entrepreneurship

I have taken clients to radio stations for interviews but never actually been on the radio myself. Today for the first time I was invited by Mohammed al Awadhi aka @Wildpeeta (you haven't lived till you've tried his magic juice) to be part of a group of SMEs to help promote entrepreneurship not just in the community. I was honoured and delighted to be in the company of such dynamic, passionate young entrepreneurs like Moad Burkhash & Yasser Mastarihi of Contender MMA (mixed martial arts centre) on Twitter @contendermma ; Huda Serhan of Glow Skies (flying & floating paper lanterns) on Twitter @_hudz_ and @glowskies ; Al Joud Loota from Niftee (women and mens fashion design & graphic design) also on Twitter @NifteeAE . Jessica Swann did a fabulous job making us all feel so comfortable and shepherding us through the whole process, that before we realised it - two hours had flown past.

I was a bit lost not being able to tweet but we had so much to talk about - I felt we have just touched the tip of the iceberg and there is so much going on. I hope either we do or other SMEs get the opportunity to talk of their experiences and that there are people among the powers-that-be hear some of the very interesting experiences and make it easier for young entrepreneurs - whatever their nationality. I, for one, would love to see SMEs collaborate like we did today to share our experiences, help us grow. I think we would like to plot and plan and see it take root and grow. 

Maybe its time for another Social SME day. 

If you missed the DubaiToday show this morning, here are the podcasts of the show. Tell us what you think and join the conversation Sunday to Thursday on www.dubaieye1038.com or on Twitter on #DubaiToday.

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