Customer service centres

This is a sore subject with a lot of people. I have been here in the UAE long enough to have developed (like so many others) a tolerance of some of the quirks and inadequacies of these "services".

I have decided (menopausal women do that) that the following rules are dinned into the heads of these pimply-faced youth when they are recruited into these jobs by the powers that be in each of these organisations:

Rule #1: The customer will never guess that you have a script in front of you - they know nothing

Rule #2: Use the customer's name every 5 words or at the beginning of each sentence even if you don't know how to pronounce it so that they get annoyed and hang up the phone

Rule #3: Be very patronising - no matter what they say

Rule #4: Be sure to ask them if you can help them even if you know you can't

Rule #5: Make all the promises you know cannot be kept.

Here are my rules (please feel free to add your own) for these companies if they want to improve their images - just swanky branding and press releases will not do it any more.

Rule #1: If you can't pronounce the name, ask the customer or apologise in advance if you think you're mispronouncing their name. Okay perhaps this should not be rule 1 but I do think its offensive.

Rule #2: Listen

Rule #3: If you can't help the customer, ask someone who can and DO NOT just transfer the phone without telling the customer who you are transferring it to - preferably the person's name

Rule #4: Listen

Rule #5: The customer is NOT an idiot and some (like the media types or the boss of a large company) may not take kindly and actually influence your other customers. So don't try and hoodwink him with flummery

Rule #6: Listen.

What do you think?